Everything should now be in place. Intellectual understanding has been established and now it is time to let the book's message really become part of your life. You have everything you need (for everyday life) and the book can be summarised like this:
- Fulfill your true needs
- Eliminate your false needs
That's all, but remember it takes time and practice. You won't be any good at understanding yourself and your needs just because you think it's a good idea or just because you think this book makes sense to you.
A more detailed description of what you need to do could look like this:
- Identify your needs - make your needs map.
- Distinguish between true and false needs by reviewing the secondary effect when you meet each need.
- Assess how well you meet each need - make a “satisfaction barometer” for each need.
- Identify resources or lack of resources to meet every need.
- Meet as many true needs as you can.
- Eliminate as many false needs as you can.
- Repeat – start at number one again.
Is that all?
When you first experience true satisfaction and contentment you will know. However it is possible that at first, you will think “Is that all?”. It is even possible that you will come to feel a certain dissatisfaction when you experience this true satisfaction, this contentment. That is a completely natural paradox. Just take it easy. Breathe. Let it settle. It isn't about an euphoric state. The feeling of true satisfaction is not a feeling of euphoria rather it is a calm low-key state of mind.
A stronger feeling
It takes some time for this feeling to take hold of the mind and the body. Initially you will have to continue the struggle with the inner and outer factors that want to return to the superficial and in some way stronger stimuli. Later, the calmness will generate its own power and you will begin to nurture it like you do the flowers in your garden. You will automatically choose to remove things that will jeopardise this low-key sense of calm without even thinking about it. You will prefer to turn to thoughts and activities that support this stable base in your life. The effort decreases.
The effect
When this deep sense of contentment has established itself in your life, you should not be surprised if more than just your feelings change. You may experience your opinions and your reasoning on different questions changing. Your emotional life affects your intellect in both large and small. Feelings like compassion and appreciation can be strengthened. Things that were important to you in the past may lose their place in your life. Or, at least may not have such a prominent role anymore. The feeling of inner harmony and contentment has created a new "soil" for both thoughts and feelings. We should also remember from the discussion about emotions (chapter 2) that this is two-way communication. You could therefore help yourself to achieve this inner harmony, this contentment, by changing your feelings and behaviour.
If for example, you practise compassion you will get better at it and since these properties are an effect of positioning yourself on the middle step in the reward staircase, this also applies to the reverse: practising compassion helps you positioning yourself on the middle step of the reward staircase with a deep sense of satisfaction and trust.
You can almost say you are hot-wiring the system. Thus, firstly if you practise behaviour that benefits you but above all changes you, secondly, you accelerate the development of the emotional state that all people deep down strive for, true satisfaction and contentment.
Provocation
Ever since beggars have appeared on our streets and business entrances, I have been irritated by their presence. I have been self-employed since 1998 and every year since then I have taken responsibility for my life. I have worked hard for money for my outgoings and to be able to pay my tax. Seeing someone just sitting and expecting to be supported by others made me furious. After I applied the ideas in this book to myself and my life, this reaction has gradually changed. Today I only feel empathy for a person who is forced to support themselves in this way. I think that we all do the best we can to survive. The fact that I get irritated and feel offended by someone begging does not help me nor the person in question. Neither will this stop happening just because I don't help someone sitting outside my grocery store by giving them some money. This is not a problem that we can solve at grassroots level by giving a little food or a few coins. In addition, it turns out that giving to someone else boosts my satisfaction index in a sustainable way.
A job to do
Establishing true satisfaction and contentment is not like turning on a light switch. It's a job you need to do! Some new habits need to be established, other old habits need to be removed. How long it takes to “clean up” depends on your inner and outer circumstances. You will need to work on several levels at the same time but the method is basically simple: fulfill true needs and eliminate false needs.
A perishable state
It's important to remember though that true satisfaction is a perishable state of mind. Just because you have experienced it once, does not mean that it will last forever. In the same way as when you exercise – your fitness must be maintained so as not to waste away. In the beginning, perhaps the feeling of true satisfaction is easily affected by things that happen around you or your own behaviour. Perhaps you will have to test an old high stimulus with the pretext that "now this shouldn't affect me adversely anymore ” and so you return to the top step of the reward staircase with a "TSI race" as a result and the desire for more stimulation of the same calibre.
A Natural Law
It was a wonderful fine summer day during an otherwise rainy summer and we were on a mini-holiday in Bohuslän, Sweden. We visited a small sheep farm that supplemented its activities with a café. The fig breads they offered were of the traditional sort. Cakes and buns full of wheat flour, sugar and animal products. Things I never eat.
However, there was a coconut cake that advertised itself as "gluten free and milk free". Because I wanted to feel part of the group, I thought it would be alright. Of course, it obviously had to contain sugar and probably even egg. Sugar is a definite high stimulus for me. Sure enough, a little while after eating the cake, the feeling of true satisfaction and contentment completely disappeared.The basis of my emotional life that I had worked so hard to establish was gone.
That same afternoon and evening I ate all my dried fruit in sheer frustration. The refined sugar had lifted me onto the reward staircase and now I had tumbled down again. However, I managed to resist other temptations and the next morning I was back on the middle step of the reward staircase again.
Other things that made me temporarily lose this sense of true satisfaction have been bread, cheese, too much salt, jealousy and an overdose of entertainment.
The feeling of true satisfaction has however, always come back when I changed my behaviour and met my needs in an adequate way once again. It now feels just as safe as an apple falling to the ground when it detaches from the apple tree.
The Path is the Goal
The fact that true satisfaction is a perishable product also means that the goal is not definitive. Instead, the road becomes the goal. Your choices and your actions still determine your satisfaction index. You still need to do the job. You still need to practise. Just because you have freed yourself from false needs does not mean you are immune to temptation. A sober alcoholic is just that, a sober alcoholic. We wrestle with the same mechanisms regardless of which true and false needs we have, whatever our satisfaction index.
Open Questions
Ever since I learned to meditate in my teens, I have had a spiritual interest but I must admit that I always felt confused by many so-called spiritual concepts. It turns out, however, that it is not necessary to take these into account to establish true satisfaction and contentment.
We do not need to take a position on God, what is enlightenment, what is the meaning of life, whether reincarnation exists or whether the mind is without beginning or not. We can consider these things as open questions. If you feel a strong need to devote yourself to these questions, you should, of course, do so. As long as you know that they represent true needs for you.
On the other hand, the hope of true satisfaction and contentment is not lost because you are not immediately drawn to these questions. Just follow the method the book describes and a sense of true satisfaction and contentment will result.